I love my wife. I’ve loved her since shortly after I met her. But I also love songwriting- and I’ve loved songwriting LONGER. I don’t know if I’ve ever loved songwriting more than I love her… but I know for sure that she’s sometimes FELT like I love it more.
I hope you won’t make this same mistake.
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My wife, Emily, knew she was marrying a songwriter. “Monday Morning Church” had just been a hit single for Alan Jackson when we met through her brother, my roommate and a fellow songwriter. She knew I was a songwriter, but there was no way she knew what all came with that. Honestly, neither did I.
I’m not ready to confess all the painful details, but let me just say I’ve wounded my wife a lot over the years, and songwriting has usually been the blade.
I’ve let songwriting carry me away from her too much. From days in the writing room to nights in the home office or at showcases to just being gone in my mind when I should’ve been fully present with her and/or our children.
Why was I gone so much?
Fear, partly. Songwriting is a a very, very competitive business, and there is ALWAYS more you can be doing. Couple that fear with a lack of faith – faith that God is in charge of my success, not me – and you have the perfect recipe for workaholism. Add in the fact that I love love love songwriting, and it’s even easier to get sucked in.
And when this priority imbalance leads to hurt feelings and conflict, where have I usually turned? To more work and songwriting. Music is my alcohol. Songwriting is my drug.
Songwriting has been my affair. And my wife has rightfully felt cheated.
I’m not sharing this post to air my dirty laundry. It’s embarrassing, honestly. I’m not the husband I promised I’d be. Thankfully, God has enough grace to cover me, and He’s doing the (painful) work of making me more like Christ. He has a long way to go, just for the record.
I’m writing this blog post because I want to spare you and your spouse from making these same mistakes and causing or feeling the same hurts.
Songwriting is NOT more important than your marriage.
You didn’t stand in front of God, family and friends and vow to be faithful to songwriting “till death do us part.” You made the promise to your husband or wife, not to music.
Take some time today to really be honest with yourself. Have you been unfaithful? Have you been cheating on your spouse with music? Go ask your husband or wife if they feel cheated. You might not like the answer. But don’t go into defensive mode. Just shut up, listen and honestly consider what they have to say. It might be time for an apology. It might be time to take a break from writing bridges. It might be time to start rebuilding them instead.
Love is more valuable than love songs.
God Bless and Enjoy the Journey,
Brent
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To BE a pro, you need to THINK like a pro, and this FREE ebook will help transform your thinking, your songwriting, and your success. Get it today!
_________________________________
Brent Baxter is a hit songwriter with cuts by Alan Jackson, Randy Travis, Lady Antebellum, Joe Nichols, Gord Bamford, Ruthie Collins, Ray Stevens, and more. He’s written a top 5 hit in the US and a #1 in Canada… so far. 
